I published my first blog post last July. At the time, my goal was to publish one post per week for a year. I made it nineteen weeks.
In retrospect, I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. The process of coming up with something and then writing it wasn’t particularly enjoyable. It usually devolved into me sitting down on Sunday and staring at my computer until I wrote something. What I loved was looking back at the posts. Seeing the list slowly grow made me feel a real sense of accomplishment, like I was doing something with my time. The posts also act as a time capsule. Some are filler, but some are raw emotion channeled into a (somewhat) coherent thought. Looking back at some of my posts, I get an instant jolt back to the time I wrote them (even the filler).
At the time I didn’t realize it, but a major reason I started publishing my writing is because of social isolation. I honestly had no idea how much it was affecting me. I was a month and a half into my Europe trip and I had not spoken to anyone the entire time. I’m quite introverted as it is, but add in a language barrier and I’m borderline mute. Compound the fact that I was working West Coast US hours (17:00-01:00 local time) and my opportunities to socialize became non-existent. The result was a desperately needed outlet for my thoughts.
My isolation didn’t last for the entire nineteen weeks that I was writing. I visited my parents and spoke to people here and there when I was back on English-speaking soil, but it was mostly surface level. When Sunday rolled around, I was usually alone enough to want to get some thoughts out to the world, even if realistically no one was going to read them.
The Sunday of week twenty was different. I was flying to Shanghai. The flight wasn’t unusual, it was actually fairly common for me to write my posts at the airport. What changed was I was flying to see someone. For the first time in months, I wasn’t staying at another AirBnB or hotel. My friend, who I’ve known since middle school, invited me to stay at her place. She was working late the day I arrived, but I was able to let myself in. The post I had to write was on my mind all day. I could have written it while waiting for my flight, I could have written it on the flight, I could have written it as I waited on her couch for her to come home. But I just couldn’t force myself to do it. I tried, I started writing multiple times in all three scenarios. But nothing came out. The desire to share my thoughts and feelings with the world wasn’t there. All I wanted was for the time to pass faster so that I could share them with her.
After a few weeks in Shanghai, I had to head to New York to start my new job. It was my first time working in the States so I had lots of things to get sorted. Almost two months have passed now and I’m all settled in. As I find myself with more free time, I feel the urge to share my thoughts again, but I have no one to share them with. So I am back here, sending my thoughts into this blog.