After every breakup, I try not to think about it. It’s not the end of the world, I tell myself. Every day it will get easier until one day I’ll wake up and realize that I haven’t thought about it at all. In a feeble attempt to expedite this process, I try to stop myself from listening to sad music. I figure if I listen to it, then I’ll just start crying, which will slow down my healing process. Doesn’t work. There’s really nothing better than seeing what you’re feeling expressed in an artistic medium. Knowing that there’s someone else who has felt the way you are feeling right now is such a comforting feeling.
This time around I made it three days before busting out the sad songs. Yesterday was a solid day. I was feeling quite happy, or at the very least content all day. I was having a bit of trouble falling asleep, so I decided to give myself a little treat and listen to one sad song. I lasted a minute before the tears were just streaming down my face, and I had to turn it off.
Today was again a lovely day, started strong. Came back and decided to put on a song. Same result. I feel like at this point the nonchalant, “it’s not even affecting me” shtick is up, so I’ll lean into it. As an excuse to have a little sad boy evening and listen to some tunes, here’s my list of post-breakup songs. Them being on this list speaks nothing of their quality or my endorsement of the message. These are just songs that, throughout the years, I have found myself coming back to after a breakup.
Cry - Cigarettes After Sex
The song that triggered all of this last night. This band is rightfully mocked for having one song, but god when I’m in a CAS mood, their one song sure does sound good. This particular time, it was Cry. I’m embarrassed to admit how much the whole thing was resonating with me.
But I can’t help the way I feel
Wish I was good
Wish that I could give you my love now
But I need to tell you something
[…]
I swear I’ll only make you cry
Crying Over You - Honne feat. Beka
This is the song I listened to today that gave me the inspiration to write this. This song has been in the rotation since my first breakup. I remember finding out about it on Twitter. The lyrics are so basic. The message of “this sucks, but you’ll get over it” is what I tell myself every time, so hearing it in a song feels nice. Plus, the upbeat pop/electronic beat and the duet just make it such a fun song to listen to and cry to.
Don’t wanna break it off, but there’s no other way
You’re not the only one who’s hurting
Or who’s finding this hard
Eventually - Tame Impala
I hate to admit it, but I have ended every relationship I have been in so far. I don’t think it’s a commitment issue situation. I would love to commit to one woman for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I haven’t met her yet. In my past relationships I’ve found myself having these moments where I reflect on the relationship and just don’t see a bright future in it. That makes this song resonate so hard with me.
I know that I’ll be happier and I know you will too
Eventually
Somebody Else - The 1975
Couldn’t leave this one off the list. This one was on repeat for weeks after a certain breakup. Went to see The 1975 live just to hear this song. The beat makes it such a fun listen, but when I’m feeling sentimental, it fucking kills me.
I don’t want your body
But I hate to think about you with somebody else
Runaway - Kanye West
Absolute classic. Recognizable from the first note. Hate how much it resonates with me. Even when I’m not going through a breakup, I put this one on, but when I am, the lyrics about always finding something wrong absolutely destroy me.
And I know I did damage
’Cause the look in your eyes is killing me
Better Now - Post Malone
Half of this album could be on this list. It came out right when I was going through my first breakup, and I listened to it so much. The beat makes it a fun listen, but the lyrics just tear me up. I also like the two-sided perspective in it, even if it’s only his imagination and not direct like in Crying Over You.
You know I never meant to let you down
Throw Away - Future
This song is toxic as fuck, but the narrative and Future’s uncertainty just really do it for me. The move from not caring about the girl, to realizing he fucked it up, to coping by pretending it doesn’t even matter is just so good. Future’s not getting any sympathy from me, but the song just hits.
Mark my words, I’ma ball without you
Marvins Room - Drake
If this list were one song, it would be this. Timeless classic. I’ve listened to it countless times. The beat, the flow, the lyrics. This song just hits me on all fronts. Hearing it when I’ve been drinking increases the chances of me waking up to texts I regret tenfold.
I’m just sayin’ you could do better
Tell me, have you heard that lately?
Conclusion
I don’t have the words to describe the feeling of seeing my emotions reflected in a song. It feels so validating, especially when it’s something I don’t have anyone to talk to about. Writing out this list feels silly. These songs are so overdramatic. I haven’t shared most of these with anyone, because under what circumstances would one do such a thing? Can’t tell your current girl, “here’re the songs I’ve listened to while thinking of other women”. And I’m not really the type to vent to my friends or family. Putting it out here gave me a nice outlet to reflect on these and get back from my writing hiatus.