I played over a thousand Dota 2 matches. Through junior high and high school, I spent over two thousand hours playing the game and hundreds more watching professional games. I only solo-queued ranked, and I never made it much past 2k MMR (matchmaking rank). That put me around the 20th percentile of players, a fact that at the time I could not accept.
The combination of watching professional matches and being a dumb teenager gave me an inflated sense of skill. I would know that picking x
hero or buying y
item was theoretically correct, but I had no idea how to execute with it or counterplay when the enemy didn’t do it. I would get infuriated at my teammates for picking farm heavy carries for off lane, only to have them end up carrying the game. I thought, “There’s no way I’m as bad as these guys! I must have calibrated at far too low of an MMR, and am now stuck in the trench.”
To test my theory, I bought a mid 4k MMR account (~80th percentile). Absolute waste of money. I played maybe three games and got absolutely destroyed. I was useless with my best heroes and even more so when I tried playing support. This made me realize that I deserved to be in the dumpster fire of 2k MMR. Even if I did have a higher level of theoretical knowledge than my peers, I had severe deficits in other skills, which balanced it out. On aggregate, I was where I belonged.
Dota 2 uses a system called skill-based matchmaking. You are placed in games with people of a similar skill level to yourself. As I’ve grown, I’ve realized that this system doesn’t just apply to games. Life works in similar ways.
Work
In real life, the closest thing we have to MMR is your salary. It represents your value under capitalism. If you’re skills are in high demand, they will command a high premium. The exorbitantly paid boomer asking you how to open a PDF is a cliche meme at this point. But guess what, no one cares if they can open a PDF. Their computer skills are not why they are making quadruple your salary. You can laugh at them behind their back, or you can figure out what skill they are so good at that they don’t need basic computer literacy.
In my so far short software engineering career, I have clearly seen the trimodal salary distribution. That is, the idea that there are three tranches of tech talent. Local, regional, and global. If you are working at a no-name company on legacy software making peanuts, there is probably a reason for that. If you think you deserve better, then you should put in the work and move to a higher-tier organization. If you are unable to do so, then you should honestly evaluate your skills.
You can make all of the excuses you want, but if you’re not satisfied with your job, the only person who can help you is yourself. Complaining about your coworkers or working conditions will not help you. If you’re trying your best, but not getting anywhere, you might be where you belong.
Relationships
Hot people tend to date hot people. Rich people tend to date rich people. If you are unsatisfied with the people you’re getting dates with, there are only two things you can do. Lower your standards or increase your value.
You can work on your looks, career, social skills, etc. But you should constantly evaluate if you are going in the right direction. As a man, if you are unsuccessful in dating, you might think that improving your career will help you. But no salary will make up for your inability to talk your way out of a paper bag.
It’s also crucial to consider your goals. For hookups and casual relationships, improving your looks will be the best ROI. But if you’re at a point where you can get a new date every day of the week, but can’t get anyone to commit to you long term, then looks are probably not the aspect of yourself that you need to focus on.
Friends
The average height of my closest friends is probably six feet. I’m not consciously selecting for tall people to be friends with, yet here I am. People gravitate to those with whom they have things in common, even if they don’t realize it. If you look around and see that the people around you are not in positions you want to be in, it’s time to reflect on what you are doing.
I am not advocating in favour of abandoning your old friends in favour of people you deem to be successful. As you grow, you will naturally drift away from people you may have known your whole life. Your childhood friend who went on a different career path and moved to a different city will naturally leave your orbit. New people you meet in your career field and hobbies will take their place.
As you change your life, your circle of friends will naturally change with it. If you feel you’re doing all you can, but aren’t getting anywhere, it might be helpful to look around. It’s easier to judge others than ourselves. If you look at all your friends and notice that they all squander their days playing video games or doomscrolling, could you be doing the same? If you see that they’re all drinking too much, evaluate your own drinking. Your friend circle is not a coincidence.
Conclusion
On aggregate, your skills match those around you. You might value x
. Seeing a coworker who is bad at x
, you think “What an idiot! No way this guy is the same level as me”. But he values y
and looks at you, thinking the same thing. If you are in the wrong place, your effort will carry you out of it, but if you feel like you’re always in a room full of idiots, you too might be an idiot.